Best Buy Sucks

I would not classify myself an an Apple product whore, but there I was Friday afternoon standing in line in negative double-digit temps in an attempt to get an iPad 2. In between weighing the pros and cons of a luddite existence and wondering how long until frostbite sets in, I had a lot of time to question my life and my choices. One thing I've solidly decided is to never, ever, do this again. Ever. 

I prepped myself by researching where and when the fabled device would go on sale. Best Buy, who appeared to have a deal set up with Apple, promoted a 5:00 p.m. launch with a limit of two iPads per customer. This is what I required, as the entire purpose of the purchase was so that I can videochat with my parents in Winnipeg who seem to miss wee Monty more than they do me (Facetime offers the fun of seeing him on a daily basis without the new dog smell). However, I predicted that every Tom, Dick and Steve Jobs-wannabe would be at the big blue boxstore, so I decided to scope out Neural Net, a small authorized Apple retailer located in a mall surrounded by retirement homes. Thinking it was too depressing a place for people to willingly wait for hours on end at (not to mention that old person smell), I made my way over. 

To my surprise, a queue of about 10 individuals had already formed. I'm not sure how long their wait had been, but one woman had two kids (and a stack of colouring books) in tow. To drain out the noise and offer a distraction from all the senior citizens who stopped to stare at our collective madness, I turned on my iPod and started listening to Adele's latest album. A Neural Net staff member came around to pass out chocolates and keep everyone abreast of how sales would be organized; it was then that I was informed of a limit of 1 iPad per customer. Thanking her for the sugar rush, I dashed over to Best Buy. 

As mentioned, I've never attended a hyped-up product launch like this before and didn't know what to expect. However, I was a little surprised that Best Buy made their customers wait OUTSIDE in temperatures that felt like -15 degrees celsius. I was well-layered, as every Canadian should be at all times, but my toes were frozen within 20 minutes — I can't imagine what the dude at the front of the line (who was there since 7:00 a.m.) felt like. Also, if I were the manager of this particular store, I would have gotten hot chocolate and donuts for everyone braving the elements. The line-up of twenty hardy souls equalled guaranteed sales by enthusiastic clientele...a little would have went a long way in terms of changing a simple sales transaction into a genuine consumer experience (and no, the New Years-esque countdown to 5:00 did NOT equate a genuine consumer experience). 

After an hour-and-a-half in the cold, tickets were handed out depending on what type of iPad you wanted. My wishlist consisted of one black and one white 32GB, wifi. I was informed that there would be only one per customer; I reminded the employee that the Best Buy website advertised a limit of two. The iPad nazi then informed me that no, I get one. NEXT. My level of irritation started to rise; the only good thing to come of this was that they now allowed everyone to wait inside the store. Good thing, because I could no longer feel my feet. 

I really had no other purpose to be there, but I had 30 minutes to kill. I checked out the television sets and the graveyard otherwise known as the CD section. The other people I met in line stood near the doorway, texting and trying to contain their excitement. Employees strutted up and down the aisles like proud egomaniacal peacocks; I imagined they felt like rock stars...but roadies would be a better comparison. They were, after all, that much closer to the object of our fandom than we could hope to be, but not really that special in and of themselves.

I observed people just walking in off the street getting tickets. The afternoon was, for the most part, a complete waste of time however I was assured that I would get a white iPad. I'm not sure what scraps these people were feasting on. But wait...where were they going? I followed them to the back of the store where a loooooonnnnnnngggggg line snaked through stereos and into television displays. I wanted to scream. Why didn't any of the Best Buy employees tell me - and the other people who've been there for hours - that there was another line to get in? Was it incompetence? Amusement? After being the 20th person in line, I was now about the 80th (not to mention suffering frostbite...probably). Another person who braved the cold complained, but it was all for nought. Best Buy knew they had our money. And they were laughing. Another 45 minutes later, I was done. It was the longest I've ever spent in a Best Buy...unfortunately for them, it will be the last time I step foot in one. 

But there was still the issue of getting the second iPad. I made my way back to Neural Net chanting psalms along the way and lo-and-behold the line was gone. A friendly employee greeted me at the door and inquired what model I wanted, promptly acquiring it from the backroom. I was in-and-out within 5 minutes. No hassles. No freeze-dried limbs.  

Now if only Apple had mentioned that these things don't work straight out of the box, I may have had time to enjoy it last night. 

What I Love (and Hate) About Saskatoon

Slightly over a year ago, I set my pioneering eyes west and moved to a place that would not have been my first choice for relocation. You see, I have always desired to live near the mountains, unwind near the sea...upon first glance, the vast open - and I mean open - prairie of Saskatchewan seemed to lack visual poetry (not to mention a decent shopping mall). However, looks can be deceiving and it has been over the past year that I have redefined what it means to feel at home. 

Here then is a list of what I love (and hate) about Saskatoon: 

LOVE 

People say 'hello' to each other in the street: Modern life is a strange thing. Our reliance on technology has made us collectively indifferent to what it means to be part of a society. The simple gesture of having a stranger warmly say "hello" while en-route to work can change perspective for the entire day. In Saskatoon, this still happens. And I love it. 

Boom Town: There's an energy in the air. A ~*spirited energy*~ if you will. It has recent immigrants like myself salivating over opportunity at every turn and the older generation complaining about change at too rapid a pace. Commutes apparently now take 20 minutes instead of 10. 

Spadina: A beautiful, meandering drive along the North Saskatchewan River that includes such sights as The Bessborough Hotel and the Mendel Art Gallery. 

Donairs: Before moving to Saskatoon, I had never heard of the culinary masterpiece otherwise known as a donair. Yes, it's basically a pita (and I've heard of those)...however, the donair takes it up a notch with meat marinated in a special blend of herbs, spices and magic sauce. It is beyond delicious. 

HATE

Canada's Worst Drivers: I've been to parts of the world where the changing economic tide has only recently made it feasible for the middle class to own a vehicle. And yet, their skills behind the wheel are vastly superior to what can be found here in Saskatchewan. I'm not even joking when I state that I fear for my life most days when walking the three blocks to-and-from my workplace. Pedestrian crosswalks are a nuisance; red lights a mere formality. Canada's Worst Driver could easily film the next ten seasons in this province alone. Sadly, it's not surprising that the top story on the evening newscast is often another road fatality. 

Mainstream Media: I'm a newshound - I can't start my day without reading the morning newspaper (or online equivalent) and during the dinner hour, the friendly faces of various CTV news anchors help me digest the day's events. In Saskatoon, however, I often feel left in the dark. I have no idea what's going on most of the time as the StarPhoenix isn't remotely interesting and news telecasts often only show feel-good stories. I suppose this isn't too major a complaint...Winnipeggers are just accustomed to hearing stories of crime and murder on a nightly basis. How am I supposed to feed my paranoia?

High House Prices: Calgary has more affordable housing than Saskatoon. They've also got a mountain vista, an efficient public transit system and an IKEA. Just sayin'. 

Not dog-friendly: Sign, sign, everywhere a sign stating 'No Dogs Allowed'. I live downtown and it seems there are few places where I can walk my pooch without risk of getting fined. Despite breaking the law on a daily basis, it hasn't happened yet...but I do get the shifty eyes from people who fail to say "hello". I think they're just too polite to arrest me. 

Little Queens

Boorish people, it seems, are everywhere. They are neighbours who feel everyone within a 2-block radius should hear their vast dubstep music collection. They are in line at the supermarket, thieving every last inch of personal space that we've been granted by some obscure international accord that few people are aware of (save for myself as I like to read up on these things). They are pretty much everyone who drives a Dodge Ram. Last night, they were the people sitting in front of me at the Heart concert. 

I've been to many a show where an inebriated individual tries to snatch the wig of the artist at hand and draw all eyes to their profound stupidity. There was the middle-aged man who tried to start a brawl with a group of teenagers at the end of a White Stripes show. There were the, uhm, "makeup obsessed" chicks who kept going to the bathroom to "powder their nose" at a Mariah Carey gig. There was Liam Gallagher. All of these previous cases had occured in my hometown of Winnipeg, a working class city in which people have perfected the art of the side-eye. I just assumed that people one province over in Saskatchewan were also reserved and kept to themselves, secretly wishing the bores away, not wanting to add to the spectacle. Boy was I wrong!

As the audience at TCU Place enjoyed the Wilson sisters' opening songs, two women sauntered over to their seats, drinks in hand. Late and disgruntled that the seats they purchased were in the second row and not the first, they proceeded to let everyone know about it. They complained to the usher. They hollered at security. They even started poking the people in front of them, their giggles belying the fact that they were AT LEAST thirty years outside of junior high. The scene lasted for a few minutes until their drinks ran out, at which point everyone was happy to see them leave. 

Returning with even more drinks in hand, the lovely ladies did the unforgivable. They started yapping during what would have been the highlight of any Heart concert, the moment Ann Wilson belts out "Alone". Swiftly, forcefully with rage in their eyes and thankfully no pitchforks in hand, four people simultaneously turned to them and told them explicitly to be quiet. As Ann sang on, the women became defiant until the melée escalated. For a moment, I thought the concert would turn into an Ultimate Fighting match...and then security came over. Words were spoken in a tone undisruptive to the setlist, icy glares exchanged. Then all was resolved. The band played on. And they were awesome. 

With exception of the drunk chicks, so was the audience. 

Lucky Dog contest

Montgomery C. Beans is in the running to be featured on an upcoming WCLC lottery ticket called "Lucky Dog" and we need your help!!! We will resort to begging and offer plenty of sloppy kisses in exchange for votes. Click here to help make gambling a lil' bit cuter:

AMAZING: Jackalope spotted in Saskatchewan!!!

The SIAST Creative Department was out-and-about one day when we chanced upon an amazing discovery that will surely net us the Pulitzer and Nobel Peace Prizes, as well as several Academy Awards. A jackalope, perhaps the most mythical being in history next to unicorns and Cher, was discovered on the great plains of Saskatchewan, Canada and we caught it all on tape: