Fifteen

A bespectacled young girl, age fifteen, whose interests include learning about dinosaurs and the mysteries of the ocean’s depth. She has a soft spot for animals, in particular dogs, who provide her with a sense of calm and safety. She sometimes feels like an outsider and yearns for a sense of belonging amongst her peer group. At times she is naive to the true nature and intent of others.

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These words could have been written about me at fifteen. I was a shy kid who used to skip classes to go to the library and read about subjects I was actually interested in, like palaeontology. Rebellious, I know. I wasn’t popular and never really felt like I belonged although I did have a small band of similar misfits that formed my social circle. I was happy to finally graduate high school and become an adult with a life free of whatever bias and conformity I felt in my high school’s hallways. I will be forever thankful that I went through my teenage years in the decade before social media became a poison in our lives.

But the bespectacled young girl I opened with did not.

There was a time in the early 2010s when a number of Canadian news stories involved young girls taking their lives after being sexually coerced, assaulted, blackmailed and cyberbullied. Amanda Todd is one. She was just fifteen when she committed suicide. And Rehtaeh Parsons, aged fifteen when she was gangraped by a group of boys then bullied by her community–peers and adults alike–after photos of the assault were widely shared on social media. She committed suicide at sixteen after the taunts and abuse followed her wherever she moved to escape.

I recently finished reading My daughter, Rehtaeh Parsons written by her father. Each page made me feel a little bit sadder than the last because this young girl reminded me a lot of myself at that age. She had a curiosity about the world that was endearing and hinted a bright future. She had a heart that showed empathy and care towards all living things. All of this so needlessly cut short by individuals without remorse. At times, Rehtaeh’s story reminded me of the Salem witch trials and the absolute ugliness under the surface of a society hellbent on hating and punishing women.

Insight into the multiple ways she was failed by the education system, the healthcare system, and the police force just left me angry and it is with much respect I extend to Glen Canning for calling it out and attempting to get justice for his daughter. These girls should still be with us, blossoming into the women they were meant to be.

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Book Recommendations

In The Weeds: Around the World and Behind the Scenes with Anthony Bourdain
Written by Tom Vitale

Since his untimely passing in 2018 there have been a number of books released on the life of Anthony Bourdain, each providing insight into a complex personality who inspired an audience to see the world through a new set of eyes. ‘In The Weeds’ was written by a long-time director and producer of his various travel series providing a level of intimacy and knowledge that few others would possess, including a behind-the-scenes narrative that was engrossing and, at times, outright shocking (there is one passage in particular about Tony’s behaviour that is indefensible). I am a bit disappointed to learn that what was presented on-screen didn’t always match the reality. But such is Hollywood.

Favourite line: “After years of traveling, I’d curated quite a collection of memorabilia, each item a physical manifestation of a memory, and my house had become a museum of these souvenirs from an alternate universe.”

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Down the Rabbit Hole: Curious Adventures and Cautionary Tales of a Former Playboy Bunny
Written by Holly Madison

Years ago I boarded an Airbus 319 heading from Louisville to Chicago. It wasn’t a long flight but the seat next to me was vacant and I was grateful for the additional space on the small aircraft. After the last of the passengers took their seats, I wondered why we weren’t closing the gate and hitting the tarmac. About twenty minutes after our scheduled departure, another passenger joined us and sat next to me.

Making small talk, he introduced himself as Dirk Johnson and shared that his profession was a journalist who had once worked for the New York Times. ‘What an interesting person’, I thought to myself, my own life (at that point) feeling rather boring in comparison. He then told me his partner was meeting him at the airport and asked if I knew her. Her name was Christie. Christie Hefner. Admittedly the name did not ring a bell when he first said it. But then he told me who her dad was.

There are few people alive who haven’t heard of Playboy or felt its influence. It changed the culture (for better or worse depending on your personal lens). But most people haven’t had a glimpse into the inner circle, the days and nights of life at the actual Playboy Mansion, like Holly Madison has. I’d seen this book highly recommended over the years and finally decided to read it. Loving a gossipy celebrity memoir, this one was certainly interesting in that regard but the absolute lack of self-reflection (and personal accountability) coupled with the vitriol towards others was a complete turn-off. Lots of bridges burned within these pages.

Favourite line: “On camera, Kendra was spontaneous, carefree and brimming with those bumbling mishaps ripe for television. And let’s just say, when it came to Kendra, none of those dumb blonde moments ever had to be scripted.”

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Get Happy: The Life of Judy Garland
Written by Gerald Clarke

Another book that kept popping up in recommendations. I never really knew much about Judy Garland. I was only knowledgeable that she played a major role in one of the most beloved films of all time. This biography taught me that her life was a tragedy almost from birth, with parents determined—at all costs–to make their children famous. From aiding teenage eating disorders to enabling drug addiction, it seemed Judy never really had a chance at normalcy.

Favourite line: “Disaster is usually woven from several threads, unrelated yet combining to form a pattern of chaos and calamity.”

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Seek You: A Journey Through American Loneliness
Written and illustrated by Kristen Radtke

A beautifully written and illustrated graphic novel that examines social isolation and how the constructs of modern life exacerbate it.

Book Recommendations

Highway of Tears
Written by Jessica McDiarmid

In continuation of my personal learning on the treatment of Canada’s First Nations population, I recently read Highway of Tears which examines a stretch of highway in northern British Columbia that has come to symbolize the national crisis of missing and murdered Indigenous women. This book explores history of the area, shares stories and personal recollections of the MMIW, and discusses how long, systemic inaction from RCMP and government led to continued, avoidable tragedy.

Favourite line: “The widespread propensity to refer to marginalized teenagers who are victims as “women” perhaps belies, however unintentionally, the deep-seated tendency in our society to judge victims rather than perpetrators, to find reasons not to care.”

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The Women in Me
Written by Britney Spears

From being one of the world’s biggest pop stars to a woman who represents the right for personal freedom and choice for those affected by poor mental health, Britney’s story is, indeed, a fascinating study. While this (presumably first) memoir is light and lacking some of the details and introspection I was hoping for, I always appreciate hearing people share their perspective. This song will also never not be a total banger transporting me straight back to my twenties. For that, I will always be intrigued.

Favourite line: “But as much as I’ll own my flaws, ultimately, I know that I am a good person. I can see now that you have to be smart enough, vicious enough, deliberate enough to play the game, and I did not know how to play the game.”

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You Will Find Your People
Written by Lane Moore

I first heard of Lane Moore a few years ago and she has quickly become one of my favourite authors. Every time I read her words, I feel like I have found a kindred, empathic spirit. Someone who acts as a lighthouse for others experiencing loneliness and melancholy as an adult, and letting them know they aren’t alone. Her second book, You Will Find Your People, explores how to navigate and create meaningful friendships during a time when they become harder to maintain. It’s a subject not often talked about but perhaps more pervasive than we realize considering how isolated western society has become.

Favourite line: “Having someone you connected with briefly in a really meaningful way is still a form of friendship, one with great value in its own right, even if you feel like it should become more than that to “count”.

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Steve Jobs
Written by Walter Isaacson

This book has been in my rotation for months and I am still not finished. I’m only currently on page 250 (of 577). It’s not a terrible book; far from it. Walter Isaacson is an amazing wordsmith. I’m just not sure when I will complete it as, despite being a visionary who led a team to bring us some of the greatest innovations from the past century, Steve Jobs was a terrible human being. He comes across as a ruthless, narcissist with no regard for friends, colleagues and even family. Amongst the other books I’ve recently indulged in, this biography is too much of a contrast and nothing I choose to be inspired by. One day I will return to it … but for right now, I will leave it at page 250.

Book Recommendations

Boldly Go
Written by William Shatner with Joshua Brandon

When William Shatner, best known for his portrayal of Captain Kirk on Star Trek, touched ground again after visiting space on Blue Origin, Jeff Bezos’ space shuttle in 2021, his live reaction on television captivated me. It was a completely unscripted moment of awe, gratitude and humbleness. I picked this book up to gain more insight and wisdom from that moment but only one (brief) chapter was devoted to it. Most of this book is philosophical recollection on Shatner’s life and career that can be found elsewhere.

Favourite line: “I had thought that going into space would be the ultimate catharsis of that connection I had been looking for between all living things—that being up there would be the next beautiful step to understanding the harmony of the universe. I had a different experience, because I discovered that the beauty isn’t out there, it’s down here, with all of us.”

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I’m Glad My Mom Died
Written by Jennette McCurdy

Star of a mid-2000s Nickelodeon television show, Jennette crafts a well-written, cautionary, and, at times, humorous memoir about the dark subject of having a co-dependent relationship with an abusive narcissistic parent and its continued effects on adulthood.

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Spare
Written by Prince Harry

I’m definitely not a monarchist but couldn't help but be intrigued by this peek behind the curtain of the British Royal Family and the firsthand account of drama within its tax-payer funded ranks. Prince Harry does not hold anything back; in some instances, it is to the point of bluntness that I don’t see repairing relations anytime soon with the family—and life—he left behind (calling his brother, Prince William, “alarmingly bald” seems a bit of a low-blow; Camilla Parker-Bowles is also portrayed as an evil stepmother-type figure). In all though, this is the often sad narrative of a man who never got to properly mourn his mother and seems to still be searching for that closure.

Favourite line: “As the primacy of Self fades … the idea of Service takes over.”

Book Recommendations

Piranesi
Written by Susanna Clarke

This book was recommended to me with the warning that it was different. It is, indeed, different … and very compelling. Once I picked it up, it was hard to put down. This work of fiction was a finalist for the World Fantasy Awards but is it that genre? I can’t say too much. The worlds within Piranesi are for you to figure out.

Favourite line: “They were all enamoured with the idea of progress and believed that whatever was new must be superior to what was old.”

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Pure Invention: How Japan’s Pop Culture Conquered the World
Written by Matt Alt

Japanese pop culture resonates with a lot of people around the world but I didn’t fully realize how deeply its influence reached. Pure Invention is a fascinating study on everything from Nintendo to Hello Kitty, Karaoke to Sony’s Walkman (Steve Jobs was so enamoured with the Japanese technology giant, he visited their headquarters when launching Apple with the hopes of mimicking their style). The connections the book makes to our world today and innovations we now take for granted is thought-provoking. This book is on my shortlist of favourites for 2021.

Favourite line: “A great many things we global citizens take for granted in our constantly connected digital lives were pioneered by schoolgirls on the streets of Tokyo.”

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On All Fronts: The Education of a Journalist
Written by Clarissa Ward

I became fascinated with Clarissa Ward after seeing her CNN footage during the fall of Kabul. Here was a woman, in the middle of an uprising in a country with new government that hates women, fearlessly putting herself out there to share what was happening and connect citizen’s stories to an international audience. I purchased her autobiography right away. This book is just the right mix of current world history, insight into the process of reporting it, and getting to know the author as a person.

Favourite line: We talked about my concern that the Syrian uprising was losing its original spirit, one I had seen so vividly in Damascus, because it had become so bloody.
”Nothing in the world is pure,” he said. “If you yearn for that, you’ll always be disappointed. I’m satisfied to catch glimpses of brilliance in the rubble.”
”Rubble’s not the only place to find those glimpses,” I replied.
”Nah, you’re right. But the contrast makes it brighter.”

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Bourdain: The Definitive Oral Biography
Written by Laurie Woolever

Anthony Bourdain was one of my favourite celebrities and I was saddened by his untimely death in 2018. He lived a life I—and many others—coveted, traveling the world while experiencing great conversation and great food. But sometimes things are not always what they seem and this book, through interviews with friends, family and colleagues, uncovers the many facets of a man we thought we knew. While reading, I was surprised at Tony’s lack of interpersonal interaction with those working behind-the-scenes on his shows (“it took about two years for Tony to remember my name”). Ultimately, this book is a cautionary tale about addiction in many different forms.

Favourite line: “It was like he pulled the curtain back—the sort of work it takes, the focus, style, intelligence, a big mental museum of experiences and drive to write a book.”

Book Recommendations

Not Dead and Not for Sale
Written by Scott Weiland

Every few months, I have the urge to read a salacious rock memoir. For this round, I decided to read the memoir of Scott Weiland, former frontman of Stone Temple Pilots and Velvet Revolver. Despite his well-documented hellion existence, this autobiography is actually quite light. It barely taps into his motivations and inspiration, which is unfortunate as I feel he was one of the most magnetic frontmen of the 90s and 00s, and glosses over most of his non-musical narrative. The saddest chapters are of introducing his second wife and brother to heavy narcotics (who also passed from an overdose) but never fully taking accountability for it; the bitterness towards people in his life, including former bandmates, is quite evident in his writings. Scott died in 2015 from a drug overdose.

Favourite line: “I believe that love only happens once or twice, but why, I wonder, does love always equal a broken heart?”

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Fall to Pieces
Written by Mary Forsberg Weiland

In concert with Scott’s memoir, I also read one by his ex-wife, former model Mary Forsberg. Framed as a “memoir of drugs, rock and roll, and mental illness”, the book explores the impacts of bipolar disorder diagnosis framed within the whirlwind lifestyle of the music industry. It definitely provided a more robust telling of her and Scott’s life together and the highs and lows they faced. Of particular interest to me was Mary’s bittersweet recounting of the early days of her career and meeting Scott, a hired driver employed by her modelling agency, prior to their fame. Mary has become a vocal advocate of the negative impacts of drug use.

Favourite line: “The only camera that matters is the one that is in my mind, and there is nothing about that night (or what was left of it) that I will ever forget.”

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Call Me Indian
Written by Fred Sasakamoose

Fred Sasakamoose was one of the first Indigenous hockey players, playing for the Chicago Blackhawks. This intriguing memoir details more than his ascent into the NHL though; Fred was a residential school survivor. He talks openly of his time at Duck Lake Residential School, including being sexually assaulted and of the bodies of other students rumoured to be buried onsite (‘Call Me Indian’ was published prior to the discovery of hundreds of remains at residential schools across the country), as well as the rampant racism he faced throughout his life. The book is an excellent, unfiltered reflection on Canadiana that we are just starting to acknowledge. Sadly, Fred died from COVID-19 in 2020.

Favourite line: “For years and years, I had been wondering how I actually did with the Hawks. Was I really good enough to be on that ice? To play with those players? And now, six decades later, I could finally answer that question. Yes. I was good enough.”

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My Love Story
Written by Tina Turner

Tina Turner’s turbulent life is well documented in both print and film, but her later years are not as well known. This memoir briefly retells, one more time, what we know but mainly focuses on her eighties career resurgence and the happier days of meeting and marrying record executive Erwin Bach. Tina is one of my all-time favourite icons and I will never tire of receiving her wisdom. Her acknowledgement of never really feeling love from her mother and other prominent relationships is heartbreakingly raw, but her resilience and tenacity show nothing can hold her down. Tina has mentioned that she is effectively retired from entertainment; upon reading about her very detailed and candid health issues, there is understanding why.

Favourite line: “My biography is life, the life of a woman who started as a little girl from Nutbush, who, as I’ve said many times, had strong winds against her, yet she stepped out into the big world with nothing but her voice, her optimism, and her will to survive.”

My favourite Stone Temple Pilots song.

Book Recommendations

Can’t Even, How Millennials Became the Burnout Generation
Written by Anne Helen Petersen

Born in 1980, I am what’s referred to as a “geriatric millennial”. On one hand, it was the perfect time to grow up; my childhood was highlighted by an independence that seems lacking with today’s helicopter parenting and it was also one of the greatest eras for toys. In addition, I got to live my teen years without the pressures of social media. On the flip side though, as an adult I will never be able to pay off my mortgage on one income in less than a decade (like my father did); degrees mean nothing in terms of building a stable, fairly compensated career; obtaining a pension can be as elusive as winning the lottery; and, branding your person is normalized and often expected. Human beings are not commodities though. My generation’s existence is punctuated by turbulent economic conditions that only seek to benefit the already affluent and a lifestyle increasingly defined by burnout. This book does a great job of explaining the reasons as to why we’ve arrived at this point. While conditions seem unyielding, the book did make me consider how much I choose to participate.

Favorite line: “Faced with the prospect of working themselves into the ground on their own — and excelling — or working themselves into the ground while also doing all the work for the family as their careers are stymied at every turn, it’s no wonder that so many Japanese women are opting out: of marriage, of motherhood, or the idea that womanhood requires either.”

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The 99% Invisible City: A Field Guide to the Hidden World of Everyday Design
Written by Roman Mars and Kurt Kohlstedt

We drive down a city’s streets. We walk in the shadows of her skyscrapers and tree canopy. But do we notice all of the small, often hidden, details of the places we live and visit? The 99% Invisible City explores these minute curiosities. The book was interesting but could be improved with photography rather than stylistic illustrations.

Favourite line: “Animals are unlikely to see a return of the world as it was before cities, highways, and dams anytime soon, but for their part humans cannot just plow ahead with development and expect wildlife to cope. In some cases, the best approach may be simply for humans to get out of the way, but people need to understand that cities and nature are all part of the same ecosystem and that proactive strategies will be needed to help various species survive in a human-centric world.”

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Alone on the Wall
Written by Alex Honnold with David Roberts

Alex is an American rock climber famous for his free-solo climbs, a form of rock climbing without any safety apparatus such as ropes, harnesses or other protective equipment. His most famous ascent was at El Capitan at Yosemite National Park which was filmed for the award-winning documentary ‘Free Solo’. Alex is an interesting figure with unparalleled athletic prowess but this book barely digs into his motivations. It’s more technical than inspirational. I couldn’t finish it and recommend the doc instead.

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Pixar Storytelling
Written by Dean Movshovitz

A very slim book that doesn’t really aid with or inspire effective storytelling. There are much better books on writing to improve your craft.

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On the Road
Written by Jack Kerouac

I thought ‘On The Road’ would inspire a renewed sense of wanderlust for when this pandemic ends … instead, it reminded me of the worth of my time and to use it on pursuits of value. This book, about the exploits of a group of counterculture pseudo-intellectuals traveling America in the forties, is considered a classic by some. But its stream of consciousness writing is terrible to navigate and most of the narrative presented needs to remain in the past (or in a time capsule deep, deep, underground). The prose here is nothing to celebrate or romanticize.

Book Recommendations

When I was in high school, geography and history were two of my favourite subjects. I loved learning about ancient Egyptian culture, Greek mythology, and the social hierarchy of medieval times. It all seemed so rich and epic compared to Canada; despite hosting civilizations for thousands of years, our own history appeared limited and primitive. Not much was recorded. At the time I didn’t realize this was by design. One thing we weren’t taught in school was the dark history of Canada as settlers sought to eradicate and assimilate Indigenous people. I graduated in 1998. This information has been selectively hidden for generations.

It has only been in the past decade that the realities—and ongoing trauma—of what occurred has come to light for me. My employer makes every effort towards building this knowledge and understanding amongst staff. The education and immersion has been immensely valuable as I reflect upon the place I call home. It has also been a starting point for me to actively learn and do more towards reconciliation.

Just this week, the remains of 215 children were discovered in an unmarked grave at a former Residential School in Kamloops, British Columbia. The news is disturbing and a further tangible document of our nation’s shameful past. We should all learn from this.

If you are interested in reading more about Canada’s dark history, and ways you can start your own path to understanding and reconciliation, I recommend the following books as a starting point:

The Inconvenient Indian
Written by Thomas King

This book was the recipient of the 2014 RBC Taylor Prize, which awards outstanding literary works of non-fiction. It is a powerful, personal account of Indigenous and White settler relations, written in an engaging (and sometimes humorous) way that makes very uncomfortable truths more accessible to a mass audience. I feel this work should be required reading for all Canadians.

Favourite line: “Native history in North America as writ has never really been about Native people. It’s been about Whites and their needs and desires. What Native peoples wanted has never been a vital concern, has never been a political or social priority.”

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21 Things You May Not Know About the Indian Act
Written by Bob Joseph

The Indian Act is a Canadian Act of Parliament that concerns registered Indians, their bands, and the system of Indian Reserves (basically a manner in which settlers govern over the Indigenous population). It defines how a person can live. It defines how a person can be recognized. This book—an excellent companion piece to reading “An Inconvenient Indian”—reflects on how it shaped and degraded cultures and independent nations that should otherwise be granted autonomy.

Favourite line: “The Indian Act disrespected, ignored, and undermined the role of women in many ways. This dissolution of women’s stature, coupled with the abuses of the residential school system, has been a significant contributor to the vulnerability of Indigenous women.”

Book Recommendations

Everybody Loves Our Town: An Oral History of Grunge
Written by Mark Yarm

Continuing with the rock memoirs I’ve become engrossed with during this, my first pandemic, ‘Everybody Loves Our Town’ is an oral history of grunge, the genre that changed the music industry in the early 90s. Similar in style to ‘Meet Me In The Bathroom’, this book interviews all the major players to get a well-rounded, thorough perspective on the scene from multiple personalities including Dave Grohl (Nirvana/Foo Fighters), Chris Cornell (Soundgarden), Mark Arm (Mudhoney) and others. The best parts though are when Courtney Love shows up. Love her or hate her—I idolize her—she is someone who was driven to make a name for herself. And did—all while writing the best album of the era.

Favourite line: “I had conversations with Eddie Vedder and thought he was very weird and complicated. We’d sit and have breakfast together, and I’d ask how his day was going and his answers sounded like he was getting interviewed for a magazine. He was very careful about what he was saying, and he was just making this big, blanket political statements. Where I was just like, “Hey man, how are the waffles?”

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Find Your Artistic Voice: The Essential Guide to Working Your Creative Magic
Written by Lisa Congdon

As remote working extends into a second year, I’ve been thankful to be part of a professional organization that recognizes the challenges this has caused especially in how people connect with their peers. To that end, I joined a virtual book club they started relating to those in the creative field and this was our first subject to read and review. The book provides pretty standard advice for those who may be facing a drought of inspiration. Much like making a habit of exercise, flexing one’s artistic muscle is all about showing up, doing the work and reaping the (eventual) rewards.

Favourite line: “You may not be the most famous artist that ever lived, but there is this value of deriving joy from whatever it is that you do. That’s just good enough.”

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The Design of Everyday Things
Written by Don Norman

I started this book after receiving a glowing recommendation. Its pages detail the thinking and methodology that goes into the design of everyday items, while also commenting on how poor design impacts user experience, understanding and enjoyment. Some of the examples included are quite dated (such as VCRs) and, ironically, the design of the book itself is not very pleasing. While some in the field may be inspired at the insight found therein, I found it difficult to become engaged and ultimately abandoned this book.