8 Nights 'til Halloween

I should have posted this earlier in the day but since I technically haven't fallen asleep yet, there are still eight nights left until All Hallows Eve. Based on what I'm about to post though, I'll be counting sheep to a million before I get any shut eye. For I just visited the Youtube channel for Hollywood-based "performance artist" Shaye Saint John, a master of the macabre:

9 Nights 'til Halloween

It's a fact that 98% of the internet consists of porn, cat macros and conspiracy theories. With only nine terrifying nights left to go until All Hallows Eve, we shall focus on the latter, specifically the Illuminati's methods of mind control in popular culture. Did you know that Beyonce is a devout follower of Satan? Or that everyone in the advertising industry is out to corrupt your soul by means of subliminal messaging? Could your neighbour be an evil shapeshifting lizard from Mars? Am I? Muhahaha...

As I sit here listening to 'Single Ladies', eating flies and determining the best method to manipulate people into purchasing unnecessary goods and services, I reflect back on one of our greatest achievements. Getting the 20th century's most prolific band to insert subtle odes to Lucifer in their vast catalogue of work thus influencing a generation of babyboomers to, er...become accountants and stuff.

You say you want a revolution? Turn me on, dead man: 

10 Nights 'til Halloween

Saluting your favorite band by wearing facepaint to resemble a psychotic clown is a rather harmless pursuit. In the grand scheme of things, Juggalos are simply this generation's KISS Army (albeit with less class, taste, IQ and teeth). Something more troublesome lurks in our collective consciousness. An invisible monster with a taste for devouring the souls of both young and old alike. Vanity was never more a punishable sin than in the 21st century. Our modern Babylon demonstrates this: welcome to the nightmare that is Hollywood. 

Andy Warhol famously quipped that one day everyone would be famous for 15 minutes. I think one day everyone will look the same, all bottle-blonde, cancerhide, collagen-puss, silicon breasted clones. And thin. Sickly so. But who cares about health (physical or mental) when you're beautiful:

11 Nights 'til Halloween

Clowns are scary. But something even more terrifying - and all too real - prowls the streets of modern suburbia...lurking in select convenience store parking lots in search of dignity and Faygo. They are the people that follow these clowns. They are Juggalos. 

If you've never heard this term before, consider yourself lucky. What was once the product of a secret experiment conducted by the FBI to study the effects of methamphetamine use during pregnancy has evolved into a cult of "dark carnival" worship. Congregating en masse every year at some unfortunate city in the midwest, the Juggalo's bring with them chaos, mayhem and disease that scientists haven't yet identified. Oh and bad music. Really shitty music. 

Should you perchance witness these feral beasts in their natural habitat, it is recommended to not make direct eye contact. While the creatures display plumage associated with drawing attention to themselves, it is always best to divert one's gaze, lest you encourage their behavior. They are known for being anti-social outside of their pack and will most likely bite if approached. Thus far, breeding within the subspecies has been successfully controlled thanks to new advances in lasik technology. Extinction is predicted by 2025.   

It is rumored that the following video of their annual gathering has made proponents of evolution join the clergy post-haste. Darwin down: 

Dancing in the Street

It's 2:00am on a Sunday morning and I can't fall asleep. The cappuccino I foolishly consumed a few hours ago has left me with the hippie hippie shakes, and I am now forced to find an alternative form of entertainment to my regularly scheduled dreamscape. Which leads me to Youtube, probably the greatest time waster ever created (next to the Rubik's Cube and learning French). A little Bowie is always good. And Bowie dueting with Mick Jagger should theoretically be the most epic thing ever, right? Almost. It's 2:00am on a Sunday morning and I can't stop laughing at this video:

I think the art projects I created in elementary school had a higher budget than this. Unless all the money was diverted by way of Columbia...which would explain everything from Bowie's pajamas to Jagger's own hippie hippie shakes. For goodness sakes though, these guys will never not be cool! 1:52 - 1:58 is my new raison d'etre. Good music videos end with pop culture resonance. Great music videos end with a butt shot. 

It's 2:00am on a Sunday morning. And I'm about to hit repeat.  

Wow!

I posted my concert videos Sunday night and now, three days later, I've already reached over 2500 views! That's amazing. And I finally taught myself how to edit video clips in iMovie; one handycam magnum opus coming soon...

The Circus: Part II

Video from 'The Circus Starring Britney Spears', taken on September 12, 2009 at Alerus Centre, Grand Forks, North Dakota. Review below. View is from the second row in the stands (reserved seating, floor was general admission). Sound quality was poor in person as well because of all the screaming...'cuz hey - it's Britney, bitch.  

Mid-afternoon Saturday, I passed by Alerus Centre and realized that the circus had indeed already begun. Hours before doors opened, concertgoers formed a line that snaked around the buildings perimeter while enterprising businessmen aggressively hawked t-shirts and other unlicensed merchandise. The police presence didn't care - they were too busy escorting a middle-aged man carrying a "Britney Spears is the Anti-Christ" placard off the premises.

From the time I got ready back at our hotel to the time spent walking back to the arena, chants of "Britney, Britney" filled the air. It was unlike anything I'd ever seen before. I felt like I was transported in time to ancient Rome, about to witness a pagan sacrifice or something (instead of more blood the crowd cheering for more blonde). There was Dynasty-level dressage on show with pearls and sateen a plenty. I felt completely underdressed...or should I say overdressed, as there was also an abundance of high heels and short skirts. This was definitely going to be an event to remember, if not for the concert, for the sheer enthusiasm of the fans. 

My seat offered a very good, unobstructed view of the three-ring stage. A countdown started after the opening acts finished their set and as I watched the seconds make their way to "0", I wondered what reincarnation of ultimate pop star I would encounter tonight. There's been Lolita Britney, Pregnant Britney, Gas Station Britney, Pantiless Britney, Bald Britney, Bad Weave Britney, Badder Weave Britney, Britney on a Gurney and, of course, the KFed era which miraculously in retrospect seems downright innocent. I wouldn't have to wait long for my first glance of the tabloid fixation: as various sideshow performers diverted everyone's gaze, a large group of people wearing black cloaks walked past me making their way to the stage including one Ms. Spears. It was the best part of the night and completely humanized her. Here was one of the biggest stars in the world within 5 feet of me just getting ready to do her job like anyone else. 

The concert was your standard pop spectacle with lots of lasers, pyrotechnics and glittery costumes. Britney is well-known for lipsynching so I wasn't expecting much there (but she did appear to belt out a live cover version of "You Oughta Know" by Alanis Morisette). I was looking forward to watching her dance, and was disappointed that most of her moves were just hair flips and textbook booty shakes. It wasn't exactly this but it was still nowhere near this. The back-up performers were ace though. I normally never bring a camera to a concert wishing instead to live in the moment, but for some reason this one was different. Watching the show through a viewfinder seemed natural. Perhaps Britney's destiny is truly to live her life through a lens. 

While it was hard to make out most of the songs because of the omnipresent screaming, I also have to fault Alerus Centre. It definitely was not built for concerts. Overall rating: ***1/2 out of *****.